Hold the Onions
These events occurred in July, 2007.
I have been out of the game for a week or so getting in a little R&R at home.
Last Thursday, I had a few too many onions on my hamburger after work and had to go to the hospital. I was at the yacht club with my son helping him to get his boat ready to go to a regatta when I felt a little reflux and then my arms slowly went numb from my fingertips to my elbows. My son insisted that we go to the ER, and I agreed since my wife, Puddy, would send me straight there if we went home.
Naturally, the doctors misdiagnosed the problem as a heart attack. While I was assuring everyone in the ER that it was just indigestion, my heart stopped completely, proving my wife and the doctor both correct that the problem was more than an overdose of onions. I suppose my heart was just doing the gentlemanly thing, as no Southern gentleman would argue with his wife in public since it displays such poor manners. After the doctors applied a little electricity (and burned some chest hairs), I took a bumpy ride to the cath lab where a couple of six-foot coil springs were inserted into my heart.
I am now as good as new and was discharged from the hospital at noon on Monday. I was ready to return to work that Monday afternoon, poor Puddy was looking quite haggard after the ordeal. I thoughtfully decided I would play along and let her nurse me back to health, since that is what seemed to make her happy.
Since then, I have become reacquainted with nap time. Not since kindergarten has my schedule allowed an afternoon nap. However, after taking one every afternoon this week, I wonder why in the world I gave up this wonderful activity. I shall endeavor to make it a permanent part of my schedule. Coincidentally, I have been reading the history of the Plains Indians who lived in Taos, New Mexico. The men sat around all day and occasionally hunted while the women did all the work. How on earth did we think that white Europeans could ever improve on that system? I am now considering a career in freeloading.
I did take a break from napping on Friday to participate in the washing of my son’s black lab, Deacon. It was good to get out in the sun and do something. Saturday I went for a drive (okay, more of a ride, but it got me out of the house for a while nonetheless). I’ve been booking a few precious metals orders from home. Today I attended church and even puttered around the kitchen to help Puddy cook chicken-okra gumbo.
Puddy is looking much better after a week at home taking care of me, so I plan to return to work tomorrow. Puddy says she will allow me an hour a day at the office next week and has promised to stand over me with a stopwatch and a cattle prod, threatening more electric shocks if I overstay. I have already had enough hair burned off my chest for one month, thank you. I think I’ll leave after 59 minutes just to be safe.
I would like to thank everyone for your prayers, calls, cards, emails, flowers and food. The outpouring of love and concern from around the world from friends and associates was overwhelming as well as surprising. Not only am I feeling blessed to be alive but also to have so many people who are concerned about my well-being. God Bless you all.
“I do not understand the mystery of grace —only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” —Anne Lamott
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